Family Pictures

Our new "official" family picture.

Of course, Josiah must exercise control by "protecting" his sister.

For some reason she really loved this tree.

Real, Good Sex

Real, Good Sex

By Jesse Frame

God Has a Purpose for Your Life

We don’t often think about it, but God created us for sex. This wasn’t God’s primary intention for our lives, but it is deeply rooted in who we are and what we were created to be and to do. What was the purpose behind God creating man and woman? Intimacy.

What Is True Intimacy?

I can have sex with anyone. I can have intimacy only with someone I know. Intimacy existed before humans were created. God himself is in intimate community. We call this mystery the Trinity. Jesus said in Matthew 11:27, “No one knows the Son except the Father, and no one knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.” We were created, first of all, to enjoy intimacy with God. In our relationship with God our intimacy overflows to worship. Likewise, in our marriages our intimacy overflows into physical expressions of love--sex. Showing up to church on Sunday morning and singing “worship” songs to God cannot produce intimacy with him. Neither can having sex with our spouse create a truly intimate marriage. Our sexual culture has fooled people into believing that sex can produce intimacy and better sex equals better relationships. This simply is not true. We must get to know our spouses and cultivate intimacy. Why is it that we will invest years of our time, thousands of our dollars and all of our intellectual abilities on a degree program? It is because we want to know how to do something well. If our very being is wrapped up in our intimate relationships, with God and our spouse, why would we put less effort into knowing them? Intimacy means knowing someone deeply, and knowing someone deeply takes hard work.

God First, Everything Else Second

Jesus told us in Matthew 6, “...the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” What if we read the verse this way: The pagans run after sexual fulfillment, and your heavenly Father knows that you need it. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and sexual fulfillment will be given to you as well. Is there any reason to think that the God who created us for intimacy, even sex, would withhold such a wonderful gift from a couple who seek him first? Of course not. One of the roots of the problem of sexual discontent in marriages is that sex has become a measure of intimacy, not a result of intimacy.

God Has a Purpose for Your Marriage

Research shows time and again one of the top two problems in marriages is sex. (The other is money issues, in case you were wondering.) Why is this? Shouldn’t sex be the easy part? When you’re young, in love and dating it sure seems like it would be the no-brainer part of marriage. But sex is consistently a point of tension and controversy in marriages. Based on the above argument, a lack of true intimacy is at the heart of the problem. However, there are two more obstacles to a healthy and fulfilling sexual relationship with your spouse.

The Pressure to Perform

The sexual culture we live in has painted a fantastic picture of what the sexual experience between lovers should look like. Spontaneous, passionate, ultimately satisfying. Men are expected to be strong, fierce lovers who would walk through fire to fulfill every desire a woman could muster. Women are expected to be sultry, sensual and seductive, meeting the wildest fantasies of a man who has innate, carnal needs. This Hollywood inspired mindset that sex should be some sort of grandiose performance is not only non-biblical, it simply is not real life.

The Guilt Factor

This obstacle is a deep, multifaceted issue. Sexual guilt can range from 1) yesterday sex was a sin, tonight I’m married and sex is not only ok, but expected, 2) my spouse and I slept together before we were married, 3) I (or he/she) slept with someone else before we were married, 4) rape, and the list could continue. Unfortunately, not only our culture, but many counselors will tell someone dealing with sexual guilt, “It is just part of growing up.” “You can move on.” “There are ways to make sex better.” These and other responses to bypass or overlook guilt are all lies. There is one place that guilt can and must be dealt with--at the foot of the cross. No exceptions. No shortcuts.

The Real Purpose for Your Marriage

All of these issues can be dealt with and overcome by having an intimate (and forgiving) relationship with God. Sex is a part of marriage, not the purpose of marriage. We were created for intimacy. The first problem solved in all of time was an intimacy issue. God said, “It is not good that man is alone.” Marriage was created so that man could live in community with a woman the same way that God exists in community as the Trinity. God is the model for marriage. Each member of the Trinity exercises humility and love for the others. Humble love for another is at the root of community and intimacy. We are told to base our lives and our marriages on the principle of serving others. Philippians 2 tells us that our attitude should be like Jesus, a servant. Ephesians 5 teaches us to imitate Jesus in sacrificial love and continues by explaining how our marriages should be founded on this very principle of submission and sacrifice. Your marriage is not based on sex, it is based on service. An intimate marriage is such an amazing picture that God chose it as the picture of what all of existence is pointing toward. Revelation tells of a wedding banquet between Jesus and his people. The Church is to be married to the Christ. Intimacy is what we were created for and intimacy is what we are destined for.

God Has a Purpose for Sex

Sex has been mutilated beyond recognition in today’s culture. The purpose for our sexual nature has been demoted to recreational fun at best or an animalistic right (often taken by manipulation and/or force) at worst. God intended so much more. When we degrade sex to these worldly standards we rob God of his glory as the creator of sexuality.

Spoiling Sex

Solomon wrote, “As dead flies give perfume a bad smell, so a little folly outweighs wisdom and honor.” (Ecc. 10:1) The book of Hebrews encourages us, “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” (13:4) If you put the principles of these two teachings together you get something like this: A little folly will spoil the honor of marriage and sex. The honor of marriage is being spoiled by divorce and by giving marriage a definition that is rooted in sin, not in God’s design. The honor of sex is being spoiled by internet pornography, spoiled by sexually immoral and explicit media, spoiled by the flippancy of sexual behavior, spoiled by the corruption of sexual practices including unhealthy and unnatural sexual activities, and spoiled by the inclusion of pornographic and disrespectful “toys” during sex. To use Solomon’s metaphor, we have been wearing the stench of our ruined sexual perfume so long that we have gotten used to it, even like it. Christians, this should not be.

Real, Good Sex

Sex can only be real when we know God and know our mate. Good sex is the result of a good relationship--intimacy. Otherwise sex is just an empty, physical action. If you build your marriage on sex, it will fail. If you build your marriage on the feelings and emotions of love, it will fail. Marriage was designed by God. Sex was a gift from God. If we take either out of their appropriate context of an intimate marriage relationship we are left with spoiled perfume. Why is it that a young, newlywed couple can complain and argue for years about sex while a “past their prime,” 50+ year old Christian couple can have exciting, fulfilling, regular sex? Intimacy. Intimacy with God. Intimacy with each other. Trust God’s design. Do the hard work to build an intimate marriage and you too can have real, good sex.

Panama Trip

This is when Clara fell asleep with a pretzel in her mouth.

The cool jungle bridges. Very Diego-esk.

The walking stick was cool until Josiah dropped his off the side of a cliff and daddy had to climb over the rope bridge and down the edge to fetch it.

This was the little waterfall we hiked to.

Pickled parrot eggs. I don't recommend them.

Bush Babies checking out the people staring at them.

Josiah was over the top excited that he got to pet a real monkey.

Tapier

Everyone in Panama loves babies (especially super cute ones).

So even though Josiah knows about 10 Spanish words, he decided to jump on state for the kids show which was almost completely in Spanish. Notice how he's not exactly in sync with the others.

Believe it or not we actually did do some work :)